Practice rephrasing common phrases to wordings that suggest possibilities.
From: http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/the-power-of-language/
Alot of the article’s content I find to be too long winded in defending it’s point. (The not seeing salt in front of you bit for example.)
Similarly, alot of the alternative examples can be attributed to positive “woo-woo” thinking phrases but I find the core points:
- can’t doesn’t exist
- must is always only in your head
and
- opportunity is so everywhere that you can find it if you look for it
…to be “golden rule” truths that make this post worth sharing:
Suggested Action Items:
- Come up with alternative phrasings to popular I can’t phrases. Here are some examples:
- Instead of saying “I can’t find it”, say “I have not seen it yet, l will keep looking.” or “If I could find it, where would it be?”
- Instead of saying “I can’t get it working”, consider saying “It is not working yet, but I will keep trying until it works.” Or “I am still working on this. If you have a sec, will you help me?”
- Instead of saying “I can’t make it today because…”, consider skipping out the excuses and give a firm but honest answer, “I am going to pass on it now, maybe next time? Thank you for inviting me. It means a lot.”
Stop telling others they can’t do something. Alternatives to “You can’t do that” are “I prefer you not to do that” or “I don’t recommend doing that because …” or “I tried it last time and it did not work for me, maybe it will work for you.”
Suggested Action Items:
-
Instead of saying “I have to do this“, say “I want to do this” or “I am doing this because (insert benefits to you)”
-
If you don’t want to do something, instead of giving people excuses starting with “I’d love to but, I have to…“, just gracefully say “Thanks for the invite, but I am resting at home tonight.” Or “Thank you. I have plans tonight. Maybe next time.” (Note: a date with yourself at home count as plans.) You don’t owe anything to anybody. Be honest and do so with your head held high.
“Your beliefs don’t simply reflect your reality, they create your reality.”
As for why I hate these:
a.
In terms of presentation, it’s very rare for writers of these types to have the guts to address Orwell’s Politics in the English Language. My guess is that they are just rehashing some old advises or they haven’t dug deep enough to the why of these methods or it simply ruins the whole “positive minded” angle they have because nothing is more bleak than trying to explain how we live in not only a dumbed down society but in a self-training negativity inducing one.
It’s just much easier to put the blame all on our shoulders. Make it a case of bad habits we picked up. Hide the decay and you can make the pesticide look like the miracle pill.
Ultimately though, the worst case the presentation does is it relies on confirmation bias to deceive those who agree with it when the much grander more cynical social problem doesn’t have this flaw.
I can guarantee you that most of those people who like or agree with the article aren’t doing so because they found how their beliefs do really shape their reality but instead they found how true it is indeed that they often say “I’m sorry.” alot.
I had this problem too but then that leads to my 2nd issue:
b.
The thing with these articles is that they focus too much on words on some aspect and then they focus too little on other aspects and you end up throwing the dice and hoping that your implementation of the article works out just like when you’re hoping that generic affirmation given to you works out vs. a well done affirmation that an informed person and you developed to maximize it’s effect.
Saying sorry for example. it’s worth an attempt because even if you really have a non-constant apologizing belief, saying sorry all the time will annoy the wrong person.
That’s where these kinds of article dig deep: They go beyond that annoyance aspect and pull you into the argument that the word also changed your belief or that if you change the word, your belief will change from the lack of using that word.
Where it doesn’t dig deep though is the issue that it just doesn’t work for every word and it doesn’t work for most words like can’t because these words are often beyond beliefs and rely on other aspects like skills, talent, time, opportunity and sentence structures.
Saying you will replace can with I will keep looking for example won’t really do you much good because you already have the belief that you will keep on looking despite saying those words!
Not only that, it tricks the more blinded of positive thinkers to adapt the idea that negative thought is all about excuses!
The ultimate lie though is when you adapt this to most common phrases and find out that instead of it helping you, you end up mentally thinking in your head: “Ok, I won’t say this. I won’t say this.” …and you end up not only thinking and saying the common negative inducing phrases more, you still don’t quite get the impact of why certain words are dangerous.
Not only that, these articles ignore the fact that we often adapt words because of our surroundings. Unless you happen to change your environment into a positive one, all these alternative sentences are merely small fishes in a torrent of negativity you are constantly being bombarded with. You’re not going to change by adapting it willy-nilly. It’s only going to hit you when the phrases themselves make sense to you because you’ve already changed your beliefs and can resist the constant anti-bombardment from your surroundings. By that time, most of these word alternatives would be useless to you and the ones that didn’t work are still constant distractions in your head if you still believe in this idea!
That said the reason why this philosophy has importance is because even as cliche as they are today, many of them can still send warnings and alert us to the self-negativity that we may be unconsciously and habitually imposing on our beliefs.
This goes beyond the value of positivity because as Orwell alluded to: left ignored, these can allow politicians to pull a fast one on you and your beliefs.
It’s the old appeal to pathos but it’s not just prevalent in politics anymore. It’s prevalent in ads, blogs, infotainment, etc. and sure you might already know this and feel this is common sense knowledge in this day and age but that’s why Orwell’s article was important when it was written.
It wasn’t because people then didn’t know of this but Orwell with that article brought it to the forefront and presented the full danger of what words can do from a political angle. In fact, it can be argued that it wasn’t enough and that it only popularized the idea of keeping words simple, understandable and direct while not hitting home the fact that we should particularly be wary of common words all around us. Wary enough to attempt a dictionary out of it. Wary enough to explain why certain words in certain sentences and certain structures are belief-changing despite neither being hypnotism nor subliminal advertising.
Instead what we ended up having on a common enough layman plate is some positivity blogs taking this concept and selling it as “feel good” articles, some positivity blogs suggesting this because they one day realize how changing one word changed their mindset and over-hyperbolize it to all other words without testing and narrowing to words that really worked for them and in between those, some pop psychology on the way the unconscious mind and habits influence our beliefs.
The worst crime to us layman is that these articles don’t even put the disclaimer on how changing your words can make you come off as weird when talking to someone else.
Yes, it’s obvious and “we should’ve already known that” but certainly enough, this fact is more elusive than “drink moderately” ads.
You wouldn’t believe how easy it is to start adapt a new word, get confident with it and suddenly you test it on a conversation one day and it just sounds bad. No matter how well it worked in your head or how valid the word is, it just sounds bad.
Just imagine yourself replying to another person with this: “I have not seen it yet, l will keep looking”
It’s THAT bad only this is the more obvious ones. Imagine actually having a decent word and trying it anyway. The whole thing not only falls apart but your positivity minded ideology immediately dips down to full anxious negativity.
Anyway, this author asks What are some alternative phrases you can suggest to and these are my suggestions (and also my reply). They’re far from decent and alot of them I got from elsewhere (and I don’t speak these out loud) but these are what I have:
- News -> Olds (News as in newspaper. I think I got this one from Steve Pavlina - I’m not really anal for sources. Anyway here’s the sentence that inspired it: Most news stories are repetitive, redundant, and say the same things twice. Very few stories are actually fresh and new. News should really be called “olds.”)
- Positive -> Pro-active (although this is really spelled proactive, I prefer the emphasis on the word “active”)
- Multitask -> MultiFocus (Because it is not the number of tasks we are constantly doing that reduces our efficiency but rather the number of things splitting our focus that confuses us to what we want to be doing.)
- Practice -> Grind/Grinding (This one is more negative and is obviously an rpg reference)
- Taught -> Enabled them to discover
- Polyphasic Sleep -> PolyActive Healing (My uneducated attempt at self-psycho-analyzing: The desire to replace the word sleep with the word healing to clarify to one’s consciousness the true value of sleep and hopefully lessen the misinterpretation that one is merely “resting” or wasting away their time when one is feeling drowsy but busy.)
- Nice Guy -> Annoying Pussy (I’m serious with this btw. Here’s the rationale: The phenomena by which mainstream society conformizes and verbally praises the act of annoyance and wimpiness and re-interprets these as the act of a legitimate nice male person thus subsidizing this behaviour which results in men misguidedly adapting this approach to court women.)
- Teacher -> Opportunizer (A word replacement designed to focus on the true structure of learning thus keeping people from turning these educators into authoritarians of education.)
- Difficult -> Challenging (The first word replacement that got me back to believing in this concept. Forget where the original link was though. It probably sounds fluffier without it and maybe it still would even with it but it was a strong influence to me at the time)
- H.E.L.L. (another negative one and this one doesn’t apply but it stands for History, Experience, Life, Legacy)
- Storytelling -> Storysharing (I personally prefer the words Plagiarizing but it is offensive to many and there’s a negative connotation in that word that even I couldn’t avoid in my head.)
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