A Hikkikomori StopGap

Hikikomori Media Reviews “Mother Fucked Up”

Download now or preview on posterous Hikikomori_Media_by_ ().pdf (70 KB)

This isn’t a catch all thread for every review I’m going to make about Hikikomori related media but is instead based on a set a user by the name of “…” has collected in this topic (requires registration)

Basically the document above is the OP thread minus the replies…

I actually didn’t plan to tackle this till later since at the time, not only did the list look scary, but every entry seemed like it was worthy enough of it’s own blog article.

…Then I got sidetracked by pasting the contents of that topic here.

The situation above made me angry with myself because I’m not even finding the motivation to properly re-format the links to make it easier for Hikikomoris to browse through the selection.

…Then I drank coffee.

I spotted one video where the definition said it was a Filipino docudrama which peaked my interest because I’m a Filipino.

Turns out it wasn’t…

…Then I procrastinated

The reality was that I was in burn-out mode already and the poor quality of the video (to me) didn’t help things…

Downloading the torrent for Ebola Syndrome (NSFW) that didn’t contain any English sub really really really didn’t help things at all…

Edit: Above title has nothing to do with this topic. It’s just some movie I planned to watch at the time. I don’t recommend searching for it. It’s a well known HK Cat III movie known for it’s sexual and disgusting scenes. —- Haven’t watched the movie yet as of this edit though.

Edit #2: Nevermind, finished watching it and the gore is nothing special. Go ahead and watch it if you’re into cult films with some nudity. Meanwhile, I’m just going to grab the courage to watch Eden Lake as the initial scene scared me to the point of closing the media player.

…Then the coffee took over.

The whole thing pretty much ruined my procrastination and I ended up with nothing specific to do.

At this point, I really should have focused on something else like playing my recent downloaded isos of PlaneScape Torment (which I deleted) or re-downloading The Witcher and trying to make it work on my PC (because I also deleted the files after the installer hanged after I mounted the 2nd iso on daemontools) but…FUCK! I’ve already written a review and if I’m going to type under the influence of coffee, it might as well be with images squiggling by my face between each text.

Note: My reviews are based on what these medias add to one’s understanding of Hikikomoris so things like this video while “…” defines as hypnotic and moving doesn’t hold any value to me because it’s just an animation of a guy stumbling around or this self-help video where it’s supposed to help anxiety because it’s supposed to simulate a person staring at the Hikikomori back just seems like this was some stingy guy’s idea of marketing something out of nothing because he doesn’t really know anything about us Hikikomoris and couldn’t pull off a “blinking eyes” ren’ai that appeals to his target audience.

(That said, I have no idea if the latter video was directed purely at Hikikomoris but to take a joke comment under that video too far - the only plus side was the larger breasts.

There are more effortful ways to create an illusion of a living silent beauty being interested in you like Magibon did.)

Summarized List of Recommendations: (click on links for reviews)

* BBC Cram School Hikikomori.
* Segment on Hikikomori and New Start.
* Francesco Jodie Documentary (Link included in the above PDF not working)
* The Missing Million
* Cat Street
* Shut In: Japan Below the Surface

Update:

Since the original post was too long for Posterous and it got cut off, all of the non-notable reviews are now located here: http://sqworl.com/a7mrge

If you just want to head straight for the Google Doc post (which contain only reviews), click here.

I don’t recommend it though. I got problems viewing that shared folder using IronPortable. (Plus some of the reviews contain only one line of text or paragraph, you’re better off using the sqworl url.)

Update #2:

Fuck! Screw this.

Even the shorter version got sliced off.

Just use the sqworl link provided above in conjunction with the google doc links in the summarized list.

What I didn’t review:

A rough for a student animation (UK). (No sound)

This video has been removed by the user.

Chaos;Head (non-review)

Hikikomori - Recluso social.

I don’t speak Spanish.

Biography and profile of a hiki in his late 30’s. (Japanese, no subs)

Portrait, brief interview with hiki (Japanese)

I don’t speak Japanese.

Loner (2008) (non-review)

Tamago

Couldn’t find a torrent for this movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0436816/

Hikikomori: Tokyo Plastic

Another film I couldn’t find any torrent for: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0431804/

Tobira no Muko (Left Handed)

Couldn’t find it anywhere except for a trailer movie of this:

http://www.imdb.com/video/wab/vi2211578649/

“…”-’s link leads to the story synopsis section for the movie: http://www.tobiranomuko.com/story.html

Hmm… apparently he/she might not know the two links are related:

NEW Tobira no Muko AKA Left Handed. 2009. Hiroshi, a disaffected teenage boy, is struggling at school and one day shuts himself away in his bedroom. For the next two years he refuses to come out or let anyone else in. Hiroshi’s parents are so ashamed by what has happened that they attempt to conceal his condition from friends and family. Inevitably, the household disintegrates. (Japanese, English Subs)

The Attic

It’s a play so I have no access to it.

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Copy-Paste: Ways to Spot Talking Brick Walls

P.S. My drafts aren’t going so well and since it’s been a while since I posted anything, this is just another filler to occupy this blog for awhile.

Note that I’m not going to copy-paste the whole article so click the source here if you want the full article.

Futility:

“You make a statement and it will be turned around.”

Example:

“You forgot my birthday.”

(cries) “You are right. I should have put all this pain aside and focused on your birthday! …sorry.”

Tip:

Even as you are hearing the words you get the creeped out sensation that they really do NOT mean they are sorry at all - but since they’ve said the words you’re pretty much left with nothing more to say. Either that or you suddenly find yourself babysitting their angst!! Under all circumstances if you feel this angle is being played - don’t capitulate! Do not care take - do not accept an apology that feels like bullshit. If it feels like bullshit - it probably is. Rule number one - if dealing with an emotional blackmailer TRUST your gut. TRUST your senses. Once an emotional manipulator finds a successful maneuver - it’s added to their hit list and you’ll be fed a steady diet of this shit.

Note: Source example felt too long winded to be realistic so I removed some parts.

Reciprocation:

“If you ask them to do something they will almost always agree - that is IF they didn’t volunteer to do it first.”

Tip:

If an emotional manipulator said YES - make them accountable for it. Do NOT buy into the sighs and subtleties - if they don’t want to do it - make them tell you it up front - or just put on the walk-man headphones and run a bath and leave them to their theater.

Note: Anyone who has interacted with online trolls know that it’s generally a bad idea to try confronting a manipulator up front (unless you have most of the cards on your side) so I do feel that this is bad advise but it is what’s written in the article.

I’m sure some of you might point out that this isn’t directed at trolls and I don’t want to prolong this article since it is just a placeholder that doesn’t require any of my opinion to stand by itself so I’m going to stop at “I feel this is bad advise”.

Putting words in people’s mouths:

#1

”If you find yourself in a relationship where you figure you should start keeping a log of what’s been said because you are beginning to question your own sanity —You are experiencing emotional manipulation.”

#2

“They can lie so smoothly that you can sit looking at black and they’ll call it white - and argue so persuasively that you begin to doubt your very senses.”

#3

“Over a period of time this is so insidious and eroding it can literally alter your sense of reality.”

Tip:

Keep a log of the words that have been said.

Note: …but don’t turn into this

Guilt Licker:

“Most of us are pretty conditioned to do whatever is necessary to reduce our feelings of guilt.” - An emotional manipulator is a great victim.

“They inspire a profound sense of needing to support, care for and nurture. Emotional Manipulators seldom fight their own fights or do their own dirty work. The crazy thing is that when you do it for them (which they will never ask directly for), they may just turn around and say they certainly didn’t want or expect you to do anything!”

Tip:

Try to make a point of not fighting other people’s battles, or doing their dirty work for them.

It’s All My Fault. T_T Me! Me! Me! Always Me!!!:

“If you call them on this behavior they will likely become deeply wounded or very petulant and call you selfish - or claim that it is you who are always in the spotlight. The thing is that even tho you know this is not the case you are left with the impossible task of proving it. Don’t bother - TRUST your gut and walk away!”

It’s ALL YOUR Fault!:

The scam of hook-you-in-and-make-you-sorry-for-me: Initially you may perceive this type of person as very sensitive, emotionally open and maybe a little vulnerable. Believe me when I say that an emotional manipulator is about as vulnerable as a rabid pit bull, and there will always be a problem or a crisis to overcome.

The End

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Copy-Paste: Ways to Spot Talking Brick Walls

Looks like the Tumblr downtime didn’t allow for Posterous’ Autoposting to work so here’s the link.

Great post Tina!

But be careful with this one:

Say what you mean. Mean what you say.

I think it’s a bit dangerous to believe that saying precisely what we mean will help us to get rid of guilt.

Let’s imagine someone is asking for a favor and that we don’t want to do it.

We can stop there. Here’s the source of the guilt. No matter what we say or do beyond this point we will feel guilty for not wanting to help out.

Saying exactly what we mean will not help, because what we would really try to convey is that this person is not important to us. This is the real reason. It will do even more damage.

The purpose of the white lie “I’m just too busy” is actually to avoid making this person feel unimportant. IMO this is being considerate.

Your point is still important though because we mustn’t mistake our white lies for the truth. If we do that we lose the ability to deal with our guilt.

Because then we might say to ourselves that “it’s okay because I had so many important things to do.” But our brains will never accept that because it knows it’s not true. Plus it will punish us for lying to it by adding some more guilt. The bastard.

Avoidance, not answering emails and so on, is a direct consequence of not dealing with guilt.

The way to deal with it is to face it. To spell out the truth to yourself. In this case “this person wasn’t important enough for me to help, so I didn’t”, and then to practice self-forgiveness. We didn’t mean to do harm so it’s okay. Then let it go.

There’s a social angle here too. When someone asks us if we like their sweater, and we absolutely hate it, we can’t really say “No, I think it’s hideous.”

That wouldn’t be considerate, because what this person is really saying is “Please tell me you like my sweater.” Our opinions is not the point.

Even the sweater is beside the point. It’s rather “Please tell me you accept me the way I am”.

If we’re unable to say “I do accept you the way you are” (”Hey, you look great!”) then we are also unable to accept ourselves. The mind that thinks “that person looks hideous” will soon think “I look hideous”. The hand that points outwards also points inwards.

Okay, thanks for reading and thanks for sharing!

http://thinksimplenow.com/clarity/how-to-quiet-your-mind/#comment-48390

—

Tatemae and Honne can still be confusing.

I used to think it would be as simple as sharing the h2g2 article but even a guy who was on his way to getting his master thesis would misuse them:

Also, in the course of my interviews, the knowledge that I wouldn’t be using their real identities made the subjects more likely to answer with sincere honne rather than the more guarded tatemae that is prevalent in Japanese culture.

Source: http://towakudai.blogs.com/my_weblog/2004/11/the_pseudonym_g.html#tpe-action-posted-6a00d83423485f53ef0120a5ce73b7970c

P.S. My comment didn’t go through so my explanation for why I feel that usage was wrong didn’t appear.

Anyways, the reason I used that situation above (besides it being a recent occurence) is not so much to point that the person made a mistake. (After all I am neither an expert on both concepts and the post is old)

Rather, I wanted to show how when I read about the concept, it’s just one of those things that you don’t think about. It was like honesty in that once you hear about the concept once, it doesn’t matter if you can explain, prove and rationalize it — it was just something that makes sense in a universal manner. In fact in an older post elsewhere (not yet posted on this blog as of this date), I even tried to argue that honne was a superior concept to honesty.

Nevertheless, this might just come off as “hot air” because even when I could try to explain Honne/Tatemae with words, I would found that I wasn’t able to convince people enough that I really understood it.

To this, I would probably make the excuse that give me any abstract-like concept. Even honesty, and I’m probably the wrong speaker to defend and explain it’s validity towards a group of people who doesn’t believe in it.

(Coincidentally, I just saw Louis C.K. talking about a movie he is in: The Invention of Lying on Conan. Not really sure if it was a rerun or not. And no this is not a shill, I’m just pointing out the irony of me making that statement above.)

Anyways, this is why when I read this comment, I just thought: “Oh hey! I’ll just keep quoting tatemae/honne revelation like posts.” and this is why I’m posting this.

It’s a poor example because this person is talking about white lies and addressing his concepts in a more Westernly non-Hikkikomori fashion but it’s a good training at least for some of us Hikikomoris who still haven’t learned the concept of reading “beyond the words”.

In this case, it’s pretty close as the guy is talking about honesty and public presentation but look deeper and you can spot where he is adapting a more tatemae approach. (There isn’t one specific instance. It’s all interpretative.)

That said the point isn’t to say “Hey, this is what being tatemae is all about.” It’s more of an opportunity for people who don’t understand to hopefully get a glimpse of how it is and then hopefully that would be enough to fill the gaps in their mind to make the concepts dawn on them.

This is why I don’t mind reading rants:

I can appreciate that painting someone as ignorant, narrow-minded, or generally lacking perspective is a tactic of debate, especially on message boards, because it’s a way of asserting yourself as an intellectual superior. But before, you accuse me of being an ‘idealistic moralizer’ consider the image that you might be projecting as someone who resorts to tired conventions of online arguments.

—

From an un-Hikikomori related topic in IMDB.

It’s still surprising how I can talk to people one on one on the internet and they would share something personal but then they would end it with something like “Nevermind. I’m just ranting now.”

The truth of the matter is that rants can be one of the most sincere and honest form of conveying yourself to another person.

Yes, if everyone tolerated every rant, we’d be knee-deep in emo mud but at the same time, to a person who really cares for the substance of what another person is saying — Rants mixed with reasoning can serve as the coup de grace to many doubts on how you feel about a topic.

It is the knife that slashes through the hypocrisy of the sounds coming out of our mouths we call “typing”. It is honest emotion sharpening honest emotion and it unintentionally produces the “grain of truth” that is often ignored and under-noticed when not said; but often becomes “stating the obvious” when unearthed and posted in all it’s simplistic but underrated glory.

In this case, this rant shows how easy it is to potshot people under the traditional rules of the internet. Most internet veterans know what I mean.

The usual “you’re banned from this forum due to flaming, trolling and spamming” was never good enough. Even an internet who read Flame Warriors know it’s not enough.

(Edit: even an internet newb)

The problem is that most internet admins and mods think it’s good enough. So much so that those who try to break the mold often resort to making “subjective” decisions and rules that often end up serving as the flip-toss for the quality of THEIR forum rather than setting up a new standard for people to follow.

The irony though is that by settling on the idea that the old rules are the basic rules and that anyone trying to change them is only being politically correct, the lack of renewed ethical perspective for this view has created the modern day internet version of the “Politically Corrects”.

One that is exclusive to the internet in that depending on what place and what culture you stumble on, you can be a troll for opposing someone’s view where as elsewhere you can go to hell and high water to become a troll — and you won’t get accused of trolling — while the frustrated victim ends up being called the troll and that’s if BOTH of you didn’t get punished. (For Christ’s sake people, trolling is not cannibalism or Saudi Arabian surprise sex! It’s not that confusing to know where the line is drawn.)

This has become a whole mish-mash of subjective nonsense that popular internet surfers like to excuse as proof for the “diversity” within the internet when in reality — like real life political correctness — it’s essentially just a monotonous, parodic,  predictable and conformistic-producing mindset that is keeping the internet from improving socially as it has technologically.

http://hikkikomori.tumblr.com/post/176494546/just-a-video-upload-connecting-to-a-recent-post-i

…

This; of course, extends beyond our tissues and is more of a general internet issue.

But as Internet Hikikomoris we have a special role in this ecosystem!

…

As a group we are composed of people who like to claim they are just suffering from social anxiety disorder while others want to claim we are doing this for a reason.

If you’re a neutral observer who stumbled upon our community though, would you say we were among the top eschelon for pioneering a better place for discussions over the internet? Even if you lower your standards to “Hikikomori 2 Hikkikomori” discussions?

No.

Even if you just narrowed it down to the ratio of polite users?

No. (Hell, there’s even a HikiCulture topic where some posters said they liked the smaller community because the PhpBB forum suddenly got ruder when a bunch of new posters came in.)

The bottomline, as it stands, is that we’re no better and no worse as a community than most other internet communities.

Now why is that bad?

Because most of us know and admit that we are socially unorthodox.

Now we can be socially unorthodox and accept most people’s assumptions that we are below average pathetic little social creatures or we can be socially unorthodox and use other people’s criticism of us as opportunities to make ourselves socially above average.

The dissenters might counter with the cliche “Why settle for those two choices?”

I would counter by saying it’s because we’re special that way that we can afford to have these two choices pushed against our faces and still be able to afford other choices.

This is nature’s way of asking whether we want to adapt (and accept that we are special) or conform (and accept that we are normal). This is where we as Hikikomoris in our baby form of a community decide whether we want to learn to walk faster than the rest of the babies or go back to being among those who crawl and hope by doing so, we can crawl just as fast as the average baby barring the few talented among us. This is our quest, our destiny to change

…and the crossroads we must make

…and the crossroads we must take

…AS a community

…and NO. I’m not saying we should be a group who becomes stricter with how we treat each other and better at filtering and separating the rude and inflexible ones from the polite and inflexible ones so that we may not start flame wars as much.

…I’m asking of us to push our group, our individual ethical standards and our community to become more accepting of diverse social interactions by being able to welcome both those who are rude and flexible and those who are polite and flexible so that we may start the breeding ground for a community that can be flexible yet intolerable to those who want to toe the line and pretend not to be trolls, flamers, potshotters, “etc. other Flame Warriors” and invoke rightful justice upon them while avoiding causing rightful injustice to the ones who don’t deserve such harsh punishments because we set a goal to be socially unorthodox rather than striving to be the social norm. (or below that.)