16 Oct 2009
Copy-Paste: Life Lessons that Schools Rarely Impart
Note: This is again, another placeholder topic. (When it rains, it pours.)
This time, the reason why I am posting this is actually a combination of two things.
The first reason was that I felt bad that all I could reply in this thread (requires registration) to a person that linked to this post of mine was:
Thanks [username 1]I just spotted this thread.
Yeah, in some ways you’re right [username 2], which is why I modified the article a bit.
Still, the main difference between an emotional manipulator is intent. It’s like the difference between manslaughter and murder.
Emotional manipulators need not only be aware but require constant malicious intent behind their choices.
This was in reply to username 1 saying: /Oh, fuck…this probably describes me perfectly.Still… this was rushed and I’m not even sure I conveyed the idea that I didn’t see anything wrong with the original article.
The comment about modifying the article was another rushed bit reply to username #2’s comment about the list applying to everyone and to be honest, I never really made clear in my blog post that my intent of modifying some parts was due to me feeling that they were wrong.
The reality was that this was just a consequence of me rushing the reply and even if there were little bits I disagree with in the article, most of them were minor, and I never considered any part of the article to be so bad as to be wrong.
It was all rush…rush…cause I had other things to worry about like figuratively bashing my head at a wall until I can be satisfied with the drafts but then I remembered something I promised myself which lead to the 2nd reason:
Everytime I write a blog post, I would bookmark an old blog post and re-organize one of my old bookmarks.
This was all intended to prepare this link to serve as a static page for this blog.
Since this was an old account though, this is where re-organizing the bookmarks come in.
I’m just not sure if there are NSFW links in there and they are all so disorganized that I don’t want to tackle it beyond one bookmark a blog post.
Still… Diigo’s list might not be a CMS but it was free and it was easier to understand plus the reason why I felt it served a better static page for me was because I can highlight some snippets in the actual article and if you click on the “More” button, you can preview the contents of the bookmark without waiting for multiple websites to load.
Anyways, what happened was that the old bookmark next in line for my organizing was this:
http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2008/04/02/16-things-i-wish-they-had-taught-me-in-school/
Since I had old highlights of the page, it was very easy for me to skim the contents that were relevant to me and this was one of the words that were in the blog:
“Don’t beat yourself up.” It was then that I decided that this post, despite being unrelated to the above topic, was worth while enough to copy paste. (Both as a reply to username 1 and also a topic that Hikikomoris might be interested in.)
…
On with the content:
80/20:The 80/20 rule – also known as The Pareto Principle – basically says that 80 percent of the value you will receive will come from 20 percent of your activities.
A lot of what you do is probably not as useful or even necessary to do as you may think.
You can just drop – or vastly decrease the time you spend on – a whole bunch of things.And if you do that you will have more time and energy to spend on those things that really brings your value, happiness, fulfilment and so on.
Parkinson’s Law:This law says that a task will expand in time and seeming complexity depending on the time you set aside for it. For instance, if you say to yourself that you’ll come up with a solution within a week then the problem will seem to grow more difficult and you’ll spend more and more time trying to come up with a solution.
So focus your time on finding solutions. Then just give yourself an hour (instead of the whole day) or the day (instead of the whole week) to solve the problem. This will force your mind to focus on solutions and action.
The result may not be exactly as perfect as if you had spent a week on the task, but as mentioned in the previous point, 80 percent of the value will come from 20 percent of the activities anyway. Or you may wind up with a better result because you haven’t overcomplicated or overpolished things. This will help you to get things done faster, to improve your ability to focus and give you more free time where you can totally focus on what’s in front of you instead of having some looming task creating stress in the back of your mind.
Batching:Boring or routine tasks can create a lot of procrastination and low-level anxiety. One good way to get these things done quickly is to batch them. This means that you do them all in row. You will be able to do them quicker because there is less “start-up time” compared to if you spread them out. And when you are batching you become fully engaged in the tasks and more focused.
A batch of things to do in an hour today may look like this: Clean your desk / answer today’s emails / do the dishes / make three calls / write a grocery shopping list for tomorrow.
First, give value. Then, get value. Not the other way around.
This is a bit of a counter-intuitive thing. There is often an idea that someone should give us something or do something for us before we give back. The problem is just that a lot of people think that way. And so far less than possible is given either way.If you want to increase the value you receive (money, love, kindness, opportunities etc.) you have to increase the value you give. Because over time you pretty much get what you give. It would perhaps be nice to get something for nothing. But that seldom happens.
Be proactive. Not reactive.
This one ties into the last point. If everyone is reactive then very little will get done. You could sit and wait and hope for someone else to do something. And that happens pretty often, but it can take a lot of time before it happens.A more useful and beneficial way is to be proactive, to simply be the one to take the first practical action and get the ball rolling. This not only saves you a lot of waiting, but is also more pleasurable since you feel like you have the power over your life. Instead of feeling like you are run by a bunch of random outside forces.
Mistakes and Failures are Good:
When you are young you just try things and fail until you learn. As you grow a bit older, you learn from - for example - school to not make mistakes. And you try less and less things.
This may cause you to stop being proactive and to fall into a habit of being reactive, of waiting for someone else to do something. I mean, what if you actually tried something and failed? Perhaps people would laugh at you?
Perhaps they would. But when you experience that you soon realize that it is seldom the end of the world. And a lot of the time people don’t care that much. They have their own challenges and lives to worry about.
And success in life often comes from not giving up despite mistakes and failure. It comes from being persistent.
When you first learn to ride your bike you may fall over and over. Bruise a knee and cry a bit. But you get up, brush yourself off and get on the saddle again. And eventually you learn how to ride a bike. If you can just reconnect to your 5 year old self and do things that way - instead of giving up after a try/failure or two as grown-ups often do – you would probably experience a lot more interesting things, learn valuable lessons and have quite a bit more success.
Don’t beat yourself up:Why do people give up after just few mistakes or failures? Well, I think one big reason is because they beat themselves up way too much. But it’s a kinda pointless habit. It only creates additional and unnecessary pain inside you and wastes your precious time. It’s best to try to drop this habit as much as you can.
Assume rapport:
Meeting new people is fun. But it can also induce nervousness. We all want to make a good first impression and not get stuck in an awkward conversation.The best way to do this that I have found so far is to assume rapport. This means that you simply pretend that you are meeting one of your best friends. Then you start the interaction in that frame of mind instead of the nervous one.
This works surprisingly well. You can read more about it in How to Have Less Awkward Conversations: Assuming Rapport.
Reticular Activating System:
I learned about the organs and the inner workings of the body in class but nobody told me about the reticular activation system. And that’s a shame, because this is one of the most powerful things you can learn about. What this focus system, this R.A.S, in your mind does is to allow you to see in your surroundings what you focus your thoughts on. It pretty much always helps you to find what you are looking for.So you really need to focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want. And keep that focus steady.
Setting goals and reviewing them frequently is one way to keep your focus on what’s important and to help you take action that will move your closer to toward where you want to go. Another way is just to use external reminders such as pieces of paper where you can, for instance, write down a few things from this post like “Give value” or “Assume rapport”. And then you can put those pieces of paper on your fridge, bathroom mirror etc.
“Your Attitude Changes Your Realty”
We have all heard that you should keep a positive attitude or perhaps that “you need to change your attitude!”. That is a nice piece of advice I suppose, but without any more reasons to do it is very easy to just brush such suggestions off and continue using your old attitude.
But the thing that I’ve discovered the last few years is that if you change your attitude, you actually change your reality. When you for instance use a positive attitude instead of a negative one you start to see things and viewpoints that were invisible to you before. You may think to yourself “why haven’t I thought about things this way before?”.
When you change you attitude you change what you focus on. And all things in your world can now be seen in a different light.
This is of course very similar to the previous tip but I wanted to give this one some space. Because changing your attitude can create an insane change in your world. It might not look like it if you just think about it though. Pessimism might seem like realism. But that is mostly because your R.A.S is tuned into seeing all the negative things you want to see. And that makes you “right” a lot of the time. And perhaps that is what you want. On the other hand, there are more fun things than being right all the time.
Gratitude is a simple way to make yourself feel happy:Sure, I was probably told that I should be grateful. Perhaps because it was the right thing to do or just something I should do. But if someone had said that feeling grateful about things for minute or two is a great way to turn a negative mood into a happy one I would probably have practised gratitude more. It is also a good tool for keeping your attitude up and focusing on the right things. And to make other people happy. Which tends to make you even happier, since emotions are contagious.
Write everything down:
If your memory is anything like mine then it’s like a leaking bucket. Many of your good or great ideas may be lost forever if you don’t make a habit of writing things down. This is also a good way to keep your focus on what you want. Read more about it in Why You Should Write Things Down.
Notable Site Comments: (Note that just as the above article, these aren’t necessarily the ones I agree with. They are just the notable ones I feel worth highlighting at the time I was reading this article.)
#1 - (Btw item 15 is “write everything down”.)
I work at a tech startup, and one of my coworkers has a favorite saying: “All engineering problems eventually come down to heat.”
In general, most fields will have a reasonably specific problem which is the cause of any trouble you have 90% of the time. So if you’re having a problem and you’re not sure why, think of that one first.Also, item 15 is probably the best advice to give anyone, ever. Not because it’s the most important, but because it’s extremely important and people hardly ever mention it.
#2 - Only preach to the converted:
Fantastically comprehensive list of life lessons.For the philosophically minded - I humbly submit the following lesson: Only preach to the converted.
When I found out about the hidden world of government malfeasance and financial cabals that are responsible for so much misery in this world, and that exist with the help of the media’s complicity, I naturally assumed a lot of people would want to know.I spent all sorts of time and emotional energy on my soapbox, to be met with bored stares or snide remarks. The only time such speech-making and arguing was productive was when I had found someone already inclined to my way of thinking who was looking for answers, as I was.
So Liberals, stop trying to convert Conservatives, and vice versa. Veggies, leave those BBQ eaters alone. If you want to change the world, start with yourself so as to provide an example, and then only preach to people who ask for a sermon!
#3 - The thing is, that what we call a “university” in the usa today is actually many trade schools pulled together onto the same campus:
Excellent suggestions. The thing is, that what we call a “university” in the usa today is actually many trade schools pulled together onto the same campus. And yes, a person in her or his early years at college is required to take classes in all the different trades.The things that you bring up here, are not things which are specific to any trade, and thus they are never taught.
I would love to see a new kind of college education - where perhaps the philosophy department could expand to become the overall auspices of the school. This would be a school for folks who want to learn how to think critically, and reason independently. Woven into the curriculum, there would be training in all the tools a person needs in this modern world, to start her own business. Computer programming, web design, introductory economics and business courses would be important. This would be a school for both thinkers, and for entrepreneurs.
4. Put something in the “piggy bank” each pay check, even if it’s just a dollar. This may sound dumb but it really is good advise. Don’t blow your cash but save and set goals.
#5 - Polyphasic Sleep and SpeedReading
Great list of useful skills on your list! I’ll add a couple I wish I had been taught in School.1. To read at a useful rate (not subvocalizing)
2. Maximize my quality of sleep (therefore minimize sleep time)
#6 - Sun Tzu:
Know your weaknesses and then either work to correct them or surround yourself with people who offset them.Some weaknesses are things we care about, but we just haven’t had time to address. Others are things that we either are not capable of correcting, or really, really don’t care too. As an entrepreneur, you don’t have to know all aspects of business, technology, finance, marketing, etc, if you surround yourself with the right people.
7. These are all great lessons, but what I REALLY wish I had learned in school is: Your “permanent record” is a myth that school principals made up to scare you! Breaking the rules can be useful and occasionally necessary.
8. a slightly more practical skill not taught: personal finance. It’s amazing to me you can graduate high school and college without learning how to balance your checkbook and plan your finances. They’ll spend weeks teaching you CPR which you’ll likely never use but no time spent on how to manage your finances which will likely determine how you can provide for yourself and your family.
# 7 - Criticism
While your list has some valuable life lessons, they really don’t seems like things that would be ‘Taught’ in school.# 8 - Delegation/Parasite Single Rationale
I think our schools should teach us systems for filing and retrieving information so that we can manage the great deal of information we come across in our lives.I think schools should spend time to teach ‘Personal Finance’ budgeting, saving, investing, credit use and maintenance. We live in a consumer society and schools do very little to prepare us.
Cooking! Everyone has to eat and many people mess up their finances by spending way to much money eating out. You can eat better and save money if you can cook.
Basic maintenance. How to fix a toilet, how to change your oil, simple troubleshooting for the day to day technical difficulties which we all encounter.
By the way, if you want to really achieve great things in your life you should consider delegating or outsourcing as many of your routine activities as possible. These minimum wage activities are not worth your time. If you are effective in your work, you should be able to make better use of this time and pay or ask someone else, such as an employee or a child, to assist with those activites.
# 9 - Nothing is Free
It’s quite amazing when looking back (I’m 27) all the things you THOUGHT would happen after high school that didn’t. I had a horrible time with bullying in school. Although I knew it was just a school thing and as soon as I got out of there it would be “a lot better” I didn’t think of it as “100% better” as people don’t do constant barrating and name calling like what happens in schools.Some things I wish were taught in school: I forget the percentages but something like when you are in a class, immediately you are going to forgot half of it. Within a year you’re going to forget 90% of what you learn and/or experience. Basically to focus on what you most cherish from any moment and hope that’s the 10% you still remember.
Nothing is free. Something happened to my train of thought within the past couple years that now whenever I sign up for some service or someone offers me something for free I ask myself “what are they getting from this?” With my brother, for example, always like to give me stuff he no longer uses, which was nice and all. Problem is he never let me forget that. Whenever he wants something in return that cost me money and I don’t want to give up (say copying a game) he starts pulling out “but I gave you …”. When signing up at websites I try to guess what is their motivation. Is it ad revenue? going to charge later on? Now for some people, the “fee” is just knowing so many people use your service and benefit from it. Other’s want to monetize it.
# 10 - Adults
I was lucky to come across good books with success principles and meeting some people who practiced and taught these principles when I was 23 years old. Same as you I was upset at first why such important lessons were not taught to me in school. Later on I realized it was not only the schools who are responsible for that but mainly the grown-ups you grow up with, the parents. Parents have the children around for thousands of hours before the first teachers arrive on the scene. It is too easy to lay responsibility for lack of peopleskills/success principles/positive thinking etc. on the educational system. I’m now 50 years old, have successfully used many of the key points you talk about in your post.
#11 - Trilemma
Here’s one, the trilemma or the art of trade-offs. (I never heard the word trilemma used to describe the principle but I learned it a long time ago and it’s a very useful tool to approach many (any?) projects.#12 - Clay Shirky
The classic example is managing a project where three major variables are time, cost, quality. Out of the the three you can only really choose two variables, the third one will be ruled out by virtue of the other two being present.Here’s a discussion of trilemmas:
A word of caution on the 80/20 rule (#1):“This is what’s wrong with a lot of 80/20 optimizations- the belief that truncating the system at the head will optimize its effectiveness; in many cases it actually cuts off a critical piece of the overall ecosystem.”
-Clay Shirky, Here Comes Everybody
13. This was a great reminder of many of the things that help make us successful and happy in life. I am going to print this out and put it on my wall. To think, if they did teach us these “basic” but fundamental things in life, how many frustrations we could have avoided while learning or stumbling on them by ourselves?
#14 - Open to interpretation:
I got kind of a different interpretation from the 80/20 rule, which is that because the rule constantly applies, you can not only cut out a lot of wasted time, but you can find what makes that 20% of your time work well for you, and apply it to the rest of your efforts, continually improving your productivity.
Reddit Comments:
#1:
more like “16 things i wish my parents taught me”
schools shouldn’t be responsible for this stuff.
then why do we have a ‘Life Skills’ class?
It’s called CALM - Career and Life Management, and here in Canada (I think all of Canada) it’s a required grade 11 course, though most people take it in grade 10, it’s only a half credit course. It covers making a resume, budgeting, safe sex, setting career goals, endless tests about what you should be when you grow up, etc.
Americans have that as well, but I think it’s an elective. (And not available in Florida.)
Yeah it was pretty good! At the time everyone hated it though, but at least we’re not drinking bleach to prevent HIV
#2:
Schools shouldn’t be responsible for anything except for their intended purpose: brainwashing and babysitting/confinement.
aahaa.. Funny, yet so true it’s sad.
okay.. how about…
aahaa.. Funny, so sad it’s true.
#3
These are things that adults learn. The teenage brain, to say nothing of the school-age brain, is developmentally incapable of comprehending and applying many of these concepts. Wishing you had learned them earlier is like wishing you could change the past. You just gotta learn what you learn when you learn it. Besides, if you learned everything you needed to learn in school: What fun would adulthood be? Thankfully, life has lessons to teach you until you get old.
I agree but that doesn’t take away from it’s usefulness (I’m 21). I find the most interesting bits of knowledge are those that we felt all along but never quite knew how to express.
I think that experience you’re describing is a kind of anecdotal evidence for the development that’s happening in your brain: At some point, things move from inexpressible feelings to concrete ideas that make real sense — just because even at 21 your brain is still developing. So I’m not saying that young people shouldn’t be exposed to any of this (I routinely talk to my 4 year-old about stuff I know he can’t process, but I’m just hoping the vocabulary will sink in so that when he is ready to understand, there will have been some prior exposure).
you’re absolutely right, this is a list of experiential learnings which written or taught to teenagers have little value without the experience that validates them. My other problem is it reads like a business self-help cookbook.
#4
What a load of crap! This guy must be writing motivational books for a living…
why crap? Im just curious.
It’s all the kind of empty crap that you find in self-help books, with absolutely no scientific value. Be proactive! Organize your time! Attitude is all that matters! Bullshit, everyone has his own personality and own way of working, there is no way to help a person by giving him this sort of standard advice. The only think that matters is how motivated you are, and that’s usually a function of how much you’re payed and how well you get along with your boss and co-workers. It’s all very personality-dependent of course.
